This year, my birthday candles burn rather differently than ever before.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I turned 45.

This year, the candles burn rather differently than ever before.

Many words of my baba ring in my ears as I carry both tenderness and relief that he has at last flown to the arms of the Creator into the freedom he long sought.

My father, Hayri Baba crossed over on the night of 8/17/26 in his birth home, as he most desired after a challenging passage in these past many weeks.

As many of you know, I have been in our ancestral homeland of Türkiye these past two months, in the home I grew up in. These initiatory days undid me and remade me in the same breath, watching Baba truly step into the bardo , that threshold between life and death as we trusted the timing of the Creator, although every day he told us he had already crossed, that “they” simply hadn’t yet come to carry him home.

Near the end of his life, speaking was hard, and so was eating, walking, moving on his own. I watched a huge life return to its baby stages, as my older sister and I stayed beside him day and night, watching over every breath so he could complete this journey without any more pain.

“Nature is my religion,” he would often say… A couple of birthdays ago, he gifted me something I will carry forever. My nick name Toprak, which means soil, earth in Turkish, in recognition of my two-spirit nature as his both son and daughter and the deep connection to nature we both shared. He had thought about it deeply, and even later, when his memory began to leave him and he forgot my name, he still called me Toprak. So today, on this birthday, I reclaim this name his gift to me, again, his biggest gift, and a memory.

Thank you, Baba, for gifting me my life, for breathing me into being. And in this portal of your 4th day of passing, I find myself holding the torch of the beautiful values you lit in me: sincerity, discipline, courage, a wide and generous sense of humor, and a love for Nature that was vast. Of course, as appropriate to very human nature there were some of the shadows that have been difficult to witness as his challenging and very controlling personality often carrying the parts of deep patriarchy I personally have a hard time accepting. That, I’m happy to share more of later.

Thou, May the radiant essence of his soul be remembered always. May it live on in the smile of everyone who ever felt his true essence.

In these slides is a small offering to his memory , a glimpse of our family’s lineage and the temple he tended nearly his whole life along with slides from a recent newsletter on our lineage and the bardo, for those who wish to know more.

Thank you, from the depths of my heart, to everyone who held gentle, collective prayer for my Baba’s crossing these past weeks. Your presence has been a balm.

Please continue to hold the vision of his elevated ancestors and guardian angels gathering around him now, guiding him onward ,enveloped in divine light, cradled in immaculate love, resting at last in the arms of the Creator.

Thank you for your life …Thank you for my life 🪶